We tried to take you at your word that what you guys really need is a Dungeons & Dragons rule book for babies. Alas, my favorite children's classics, That's Not My Drow! and The Poky Little Gelatinous Cube were out of stock, and My Little Golden Book of Critical Success Tables appears to be out of print. We hope this will do instead.
(Dan adds: "The only such book I remember from my childhood is The Little Fireball That Could.")