Sarah Avery (dr_pretentious) wrote,
Sarah Avery

Open Letter To Babies-R-Us

To Whom It May Concern:

Who on earth chooses the music that plays in your stores?

On the one hand, it was a great relief, after all the Christmas music of December, to walk into your North Brunswick store and hear the Talking Heads' Once in a Lifetime, a song dear to my heart. My son and I had a lovely time spinning his stroller around in the aisles and singing (and squeaking) along with David Byrne's choruses of same as it ever was, same as it ever was. On the other hand, I feel it my duty to inform you that "Once in a Lifetime" is a uniquely inappropriate song for a branch of Babies-R-Us.

Your gravidly pregnant customers, and the husbands who are trying hard not to be nostalgic for their wives' pre-pregnancy bodies, will not thank you for the verse that includes the yelp, You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife! Those of your customers who did not intend to become parents may not appreciate hearing the irrepressible Mr. Byrne bellowing, You may say to yourself, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Yours sincerely, after the money's gone,

Dr. Pretentious
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